Out on a Limb and Dating While Disabled
I love reading romance and rom-coms year round, but I especially love reading them in February. There’s just something fun about matching my reading to the season, and in February that season is Valentine’s Day… all month long. So when I picked up Out on a Limb by Hannah Bonam-Young earlier this month, I was just looking for a fun, light read to be on-brand for the month. Instead, I found a moving story with the most beautiful, authentic disability representation.
While I’ve been a romance reader for as long as I can remember, it’s only in the last five years or so that I’ve found good disability representation in the books that I read. Before that, disabled characters I read about were maybe inspirational stories, or tragic tales… but they were never the romantic leads. Little by little, book by book, that’s been changing. I found Chloe Liese’s Bergman Brothers book, and Talia Hibbert’s Brown Sister, and started to see bits and pieces of myself reflected on the page. But you know how sometimes, there’s a book that just really resonates with you? That’s what happened to me while reading Out on a Limb.
On the surface, you might be wondering why I felt so seen by this story. It follows Win and Bo, two people who have what they think is a one night stand, only to find out that their lives are going to stay intertwined because Win is pregnant, and wants to keep the baby. But I knew that I was going to be all in on this book near the beginning, when both Win and Bo dress up as a pirate for Halloween… because Win has a limb difference that accommodates the hook hand of her costume, and Bo uses a prothesis that he “decorates” to look like a pirate’s peg leg, and they joke about it! The banter is cute and funny, and they’re joking about their disabilities. It just felt so REAL.
But of course, it’s not all light and fluffy. I don’t want to get into too many spoilers, but Win talks about her struggles in her past relationship, about her partner becoming more and more resentful of the help she needed, and of making herself smaller and smaller in the process. She talks about trying to make herself invisible - to hide the parts of her that are different, to try to blend in. And she talks about her fears and worries about being a disabled mother, and whether she’ll be able to give her child what they need. While these are all struggles and fears that everyone has in some way or another, there is another layer to them as a disabled person, because of the stigma society has, and because of the internalized ableism that so many of us fight against every day.
I don’t talk a lot about dating publicly… because, frankly, my dating life is largely nonexistant right now. I have found dating apps to be a really disheartening experience, where I’ll get a match only to have it disappear 60 seconds later (after they fully swiped through my pictures to see my wheelchair), or I’ll be asked “So… can you have sex?” within the first five messages. Dating while disabled - especially online - can be a really frustrating experience. I always hesitate to share this because I feel like by doing so, I’m discouting the stories of the disabled people I do know who are in great, committed relationships. But both can be true! It’s definitely possible to be in a healthy relationship while disabled, but getting to that point - at least for me! - has been really disheartening and disappointing. Being worried I’ll never find someone is one of those late-night fears - the kinds that you think about in bed, with the lights all out, because they’re too heavy for daytime you.
People read for so many different reasons. Sometimes we read to see ourselves reflected on the page, and I definitely did feel that way about Out on a Limb. But sometimes we also read to see what might be possible for us, and that’s what I really got from Out on a Limb. Win and Bo have their baggage and trauma, but they work through it together, and they both really, truly see the other. They can be wholly themselves with each other. And while I know they’re fictional characters, they were written so authentically that it did give me hope. And with everything going on in the world right now, I couldn’t ask for anything more.
On the blog this week
My new favorite Vitamin C serum that’s great for sensitive skin
Some cute and fun striped pieces to break up the winter blahs
What I’m reading and watching
I’ve been reading a little more slowly than usual this week! I started Emily Wilde’s Compendium of Lost Tales, which is a cozy fantasy with a little romance thrown in. It’s the third book in the Emily Wilde series, and they’re finally going into Wendell’s faerie realm, which I’m excited for.
I did finish Deep End by Ali Hazelwood on audiobook (thanks to Libro.fm for the copy!). It’s a romance between college-level (and Olympic hopeful) swimmers and divers, and is definitely Ali’s spiciest yet, so make sure you read the warnings before you read so that you’re prepared. Ali’s books are comfort reads to me, because the male and female main characters are usually pretty similar across books.
I also started Christodora on audiobook, but I’m not too far in yet. It’s about the AIDS crisis in NYC, told across different generations but centered around the Christodora apartment complex. It’s written by a journalist, which I appreciate for the authenticity about the crisis and how it was handled.
I watched Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix - it’s a fictionalized account of the “wellness influencer” Belle Gibson, who faked having cancer. It was a little bit overly dramatic, but I did appreciate how it highlighted the many, many fake health “cures” and “treatments” that people try to sell online.
What I’m eying and buying
There are a few sales going on right now! My absolute favorite CBD gummies from Earlybird are 20% with code VDAY20, ending today! They have just enough THC to make you feel pleasantly buzzed and relaxed, but they’re still legal everywhere! I actually take one every night before bed because it helps my body feel physically relaxed.
Margaux is also having their Archive Sale right now, ending tomorrow. I bought my first pair of Margaux flats during their Black Friday sale, and I love them so much that I already want another. I have really small feet, and I’m able to get a size 3.5 from them - that is SO rare! And I know I don’t walk on my shoes, but I do notice comfort still, and they are so, so comfortable. I have this cerulean color, but lots of other colors are in the sale, too.
My accessible products from Tilt Beauty came in on Thursday, and wow, I am in love. Even their packaging is accessible!! I’ve only used the lip balm so far, but it’s so cool - it’s a magnetic lid, but I can still open the cap with one hand! When I tell you I’ve never ever been able to do that before, I’m not exaggerating. I love it!